The autumn equinox passed this week. In the gazebo across from the UTL, at 1 AM, our reporter heard a strange squawking on her way home. With ruffled feathers perched on his brow, Jay the Blue Jay squatted magnificently and cawed for all of campus to hear. 

Fulfilling her journalistic duty, our reporter rushed to this pavilion portside from the Ralph O’Connor Center for Recreation construction site at (39.331, -76.621) and was thrust quickly into responsibilities befitting of a doula. Smothered in placenta, our hero wrenched a teal, egg-shaped egg from poor Jay, and HERO arrived on the scene, along with the CharMar preacher and an ornithologist. 

The CharMar preacher splashed some holy water and waddled off, muttering about snowflake liberals (like you! Yeah, you).

The ornithologist requested a Russian interpreter on the scene, and so a RAVE alert went out requesting any Russian-speaking faculty to rush to the gazebo.

Attempting to figure out what in the sweet fuck happened to the pride of Homewood Field, HERO tried to speak to Jay, but Jay doesn’t speak nerd. Only Russian. Immediately, half of the physics department arrived on the scene, and engaged Jay in his native tongue.

After a tenuous five minutes, our reporter dared to ask what the professors had learned. A wise professor remarked that this bird made some great points about the “development of Hjj jets in alpha particle fusion” but had no idea who Jay is.

Flustered as campus security arrived on the scene, Jay grabbed his speckled egg with his talons and launched himself into the night sky. Our reporter attempted to follow on foot, but she slipped on afterbirth and quickly lost sight of our mascot.

Later that night, a scroll was discovered in the basement of Krieger with the following prophecy:

on the night where winter shall come from fall

Jay will return, offspring and all

perched atop the gilman tower

revel in his divine power

Only having conquered Gauss’s Law

Can JHU learn what left Jay’s maw…

Chilling words from an inspiring figure. We will always remember the 21st night of September.