The esteemed, disbanded JHU fraternity Alpha Delta Phi (Wawa), enjoys a long history. Too long. 

On Sunday night at 2:53 AM, LMFAO’s “Sorry for Party Rocking” was heard bumpin through the WaWalls of the Wawa house and spilling onto North Charles Street. 

Earlier that night, the sickest motherfuckers on campus gathered at 3209 N Charles St for a good time. Brother “Bricked up” Brad manned the door and did his duty well. He even screamed at an elderly couple walking by to take a lap. 

Each brother had to identify himself by pulling down his mask and performing the secret lougie handshake. Extra phlegm. At least we think it was phlegm.

The night began with some Corona™ beer (irony sold separately), which the brothers couldn’t taste for some odd reason. Sophomore Grover Squee told us that Wawa took every necessary precaution; “We put our masks up whenever we made out, so I don’t see why the university is making such a big deal over this.”

“I don’t even have COVID,” he said. “The only thing I tested positive for was kissin’ the homies.” 

We are told that the brothers of Wawa are no strangers to droplets. Their floors are already infested with syphilis, stray pubes, and infectious vibes.

“I thought I was immune,” said Chaddeus “DishWaWasher” Stevens IX. “I got all my shots as a kid.”

“The weed wasn’t even that good,” said Brother Mo, who was too stoned to give us the other syllable of his name.

When we asked Bricked up Brad how he felt about causing the university closure, all he had to say was this: “Sorry for party rocking, LMFAO.”