Sexually Adventurous Friend Group Plays Spin the Bottle, Regrets Deeply

Taking a cue from a few visiting MICA students, a curious group of Hopkins juniors decided to venture outside their collective sexual comfort zone Friday night for a new endeavor.  Using a badass, empty Strawberry Banana Burnett’s bottle, this mélange of risk-takers spun for their erotic fates. Little did this mass of hipster nonsense realize, things would be getting weird very quickly.

Considering no one on the entire staff of The Black and Blue Jay had played spin the bottle since middle school, we sat down with the group to assess their understanding and/or logic of how this could possibly have been a good thing.

One participant, junior Robbie Garmond, explained that unlike the first time you land on a specific person in the circle, the second time warrants tongue.

“As you can deduce,” Said Garmond, “some of us may or may not have touched other peoples’ tongues with our own tongues.”

“French kissing? Psh. Who cares, even?” said the only cute girl there, prior to actually putting her face on her lab partner’s face.

Participants noted that with each spin, they became increasingly aware of just how well they knew their friends. While the MICA students remained characteristically blasé about the entire situation, two of the victims of this self-inflicted idiocy went to high school together before attending Hopkins.

“We used to hang out after 5th period in high school. Get bagels, talk about algebra,” said junior Jane Middleston, looking at the ground and only the ground. “We haven’t made eye contact for five days.”

When asked whether it initially seemed like a “good idea” to randomly select a close friend with no romantic interest in anyone in the friend group to make out with, physics major Larry Gilbertson replied with a cold, “Don’t take this away from me.”

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