Course Recommendations Since You Didn’t Get Any Of The Classes You Actually Wanted

Let’s face it, registration almost never leaves you feeling good. Maybe that 20 person class you wanted had 17 people on the waitlist before you even had the chance to register. Maybe you forgot to reach out to your advisor and still have that annoying hold on your account. Maybe the classes you’re taking just leave you feeling completely empty inside. No matter the reason, we at The Black and Blue Jay are here to help. Here are our official recommendations for courses with open seats and the promise of a rockin’ good time.

Politics in Film: The Muppet Series and Its Marxist-Feminist Undertones

Ever stopped mid-Muppet Movie to think about the social and political implications of the plot and character dynamics? Of course you haven’t. But it’s never too late to start! Meet in Gilman 50 every Tuesday at 1:30pm to watch and analyze a Muppet Franchise film and deconstruct its deep, radical Marxist-feminist undertones. Pull that bitch apart layer-by-layer like an onion. This class is perfect for those who find themselves asking: “Why are there so few female muppets?” and “Why does Kermit The Frog so consistently remind me of the average neoliberal?”. This class is recommended for only the most intrepid free-thinkers on campus. Prepare to view the world through a completely different lens. 

Men and Gender Studies 102

Trying to connect to your broskiis and your homeboys on a deeper level? Want to understand why your Dad has no friends and spends 86% of his time learning WWII facts? Crack open a cold one and scooter on over to Gilman 335 every Saturday with Professor Chad Guyman to learn more about the theories of bro-identifying individuals, their phenomenology, intricacies, and metaphysiologies. 

Required Materials: A Cold One, uncracked edition, a high school girlfriend you’ll never get over, untapped emotions you have yet to explore

Immigration and Family Dynamics in America

Many of us know the struggle, growing up desperate for the approval of your immigrant parents who came to this country to give you a better life and will never let you forget it. Do your parents actually love you? Why do they never say it? Will you ever actually make them proud? This course will tackle all of these questions and more, as well as dissecting the unreasonable standards you’ve set for yourself and exploring techniques for dealing with inevitably disappointing the people you love.

Prerequisites: Introduction to Imposter Syndrome OR Coping with Feeling Like a Diversity Token 201.

Advanced Anatomical Hydrodynamics: An Introduction to Showering

Learn things that your mother never successfully taught you with Hopkins’s newest and arguably most valuable course. Intro to Showering is a hands-on clothes-off experience, where students will be expected to exercise their knowledge in and out of the classroom. The class will be broken down into five units: soap and scrubbing, shampoo, conditioner, washing your face, and after care (lotion, deodorant, hair product is optional for extra credit). You will learn essential techniques through lecture and improve your skills by workshopping your classmates’ techniques every week. Prerequisite for Intermediate Programming (EN.601.220).

FYS: Knowing When To Acknowledge An Acquaintance When You See Them From A Distance 101

You know the feeling, admit it: you’re walking down an exquisitely long path to get to class and you see someone you met in a class and had like 3 whole conversations with about 75 feet away, walking in your direction, and you think they’re really cool and you wanna be friends with them outside of class so naturally you should say hi but you don’t wanna look like you’re obsessed with them or something because you’re like wayyyy too cool for them or at least you want them to think that so all of a sudden your phone becomes really interesting (you have soooo many texts to answer, you’re so popular) but you wanna look up at them at just the right time so that you pretend that you’ve noticed them at a socially acceptable time, giving them a large enough time frame to reciprocate your greeting. If this is your problem, register for KWTAAAWYSTFAD 101! And please see a psychiatrist. No previous experience in social skills required. 

French “People”

The internet as a double-edged sword, acting as both the largest source of information and misinformation in the world. Consequently, some myths have become accepted in popular culture as fact. This course seeks to dispel one of the most pervasive falsehoods of this generation– the French “people”. We will discuss the origins of how those pretentious bastards ba-g(u)et(te) the same rights as humans and what you can do in your daily life to combat the great lie. To be taken in combination with British “People” or with instructor permission.

Navigating the Nameless Mist: Yog-Sothoth and You

Eldritch horrors don’t have to be so scary! In this course, students will join hands in the Underground Torture Lair (UTL) and learn to accept their subservience to the outer gods, abdicate their will, and live with The Voices. This course offers a slew of practical opportunities, including hands-on experience of the Consumption Sacrament, meeting new people, eating new people, and infinitely more.

Required Materials: a live goat, the blood of a virgin, a can-do attitude. Experience with sleep paralysis is recommended but not necessary.


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