1. Talk dirty. Get really filthy. Obscene, even. Call him names. Insult his mother.

2. Keep your heels on. A few puncture wounds will really spice things up!

3. Bring him the unearthed body of his childhood pet. Snoopy’s back…and hotter than ever 😉

4. Cut a Jack-o-lantern face into his penis/butt with an Exacto knife. Spooky!

5. Be a lady in the streets but a Hitler Youth in the sheets! Heil bae, amirite?

6. Play actual Space Invaders with his dick. Use it as a joystick!

7. Bathe in Axe beforehand. For all his repressed homosexual tendencies.

8. Call him Aunt Margaret. Daddy issues are so old-school. (Tip: for added fun, give him a Werther’s Original mid-foreplay!)

9. Surprise him with this year’s hottest new sex toy: gargoyles!

10. For a night of “knotty” fun, take him on a cruise and blindfold him. Sail eastward across the Indian Ocean until you hit Kerguelen Island, the lair of the Kraken, before sacrificing him to the Kraken in exchange for 2 dubloons and a Sandella’s flatbread pizza. Yay!