The 2019 Big Brody Flood

October 22, 2070

Daisy DeWitt, JHU alum from the class of 2020 contacted the Black and Blue Jay to recount her experience of the 2019 Brody Flood. Recently, flood excavations had found her lost necklace. She opened a dusty box and pulled out the Swarovsky-encrusted Juul on a chain, gifted to her by her ex-lover Tyler McCrap, with whom she hooked up once in the Wawa basement. She explained that until his untimely death, her heart really belonged to MacLawson. As she ripped her Juul and puffed a mango cloud into the air, she walked us through the events of October 24th, 2019. 

It was just another Thursday evening — Daisy was struggling through her calc problem set in the Brody atrium. Next to her was her boyfriend Tyler McTrap, hunched over a copy of The Very Hungry Caterpillar. She received a text from Mac, who she lowkey thought was hotter than Tyler. The text read: “come up to B level… I rented us a room ;)”. She excused herself and all her stuff to the bathroom. As Daisy climbed the stairs, she heard a clap of thunder and saw droplets of water against the atrium window. She realized the shitty drainage systems were redirecting all the rain straight against the Brody atrium window. But it would be okay, she thought. Brody was unsinkable.

Daisy swiped into the room with daddy’s platinum AmEx to meet Mac, who offered to “paint” her like one of his French girls. She took off her Madewell cardigan and lay across the study room table as Mac outlined a stick figure on the whiteboard. As he worked, Daisy looked out the window to see that it was raining even harder. The atrium glass began to crack under the pressure of the water.

The Brody Learning Commons erupted into panic. Daisy and Mac narrowly survived by fighting their way up the stairs to Q-level past a line of private police who were only letting legacy students through. Suddenly, the atrium glass shattered, sweeping away Tyler and many other students into the watery abyss.

The whole of Brody tilted vertically. Some held onto the Brody Cafe trash cans for support, but others fell to their doom. The building crashed like a giant whale into the water. Daisy barely survived by floating on a wooden MSE door. Mac tried to cling onto the side, she recalled, but it was no use. He drowned.

When her story was over, she took one last puff on her juul, stood up, and walked away.


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