Do you miss fun? Do you miss having joyous memories in your life? Then don’t worry — Res Life and Stressbusters have teamed up to create an awesome Hopkins-wide Trick or Treating event! Here are some of the locations you can hit up between 6:00 and 7:00 AM on Thursday to get some sweet treats!
- Each Residential Advisor, assuming they care about you, will be provided with Reese’s and only Reese’s. If you have a nut allergy, fuck off.
- Admissions will be doling out actually useful gift cards to places like Amazon, Honeygrow, Chipotle and Brody Cafe if you’re weird. They will be valued at $1 each.
- Student Health and Wellness will be providing all 10 sexually active students with some great mystery flavor dum-dum condoms! Some examples include Cherry, Lysol, and Roast Beef.
- If you pay a visit to Ronny D’s house, you can find him dressed up in a costume handing out everyone’s favorite snacks! Raisins!
- As a promotion, Village Lofts have decided to give out caviar samples, to give you a taste of the life you’ll never have.
- He may not be a part of this, but the Charmar Preacher will be providing pocket bibles and eternal damnation to any student who dare celebrates the devil’s birthday.
- In an attempt to get better PR, St. Elmo’s will be giving out “fun dip” but we recommend you skip their house altogether.
- The FFC managers have graciously offered to provide fresh salmonella, courtesy of unwashed produce and hands due to overworked and underpaid employees.
- If you go to UniMini, you MAY be mugged, but simply tell them “no” and you’ll be just dandy.
- Any student who opens the door to Wolman will be immediately flooded by rats. If you manage to catch one you get to keep it as an unregistered support animal.
- The St. Paul construction workers are letting students take a FREE block of concrete, along with a promise of a 7:30 am wake-up call.
- Finally, Maryland Hall will have asbestos… like always <3.**
**If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with Mesothelioma you may to be entitled to financial compensation. Mesothelioma is a rare cancer linked to asbestos exposure. Exposure to asbestos in the Navy, shipyards, mills, heating, construction or the automotive industries may put you at risk. Please don’t wait, call 1-800-99 LAW USA today for a free legal consultation and financial information packet. Mesothelioma patients call now! 1-800-99 LAW USA.
If you visit every location, hit the nearest Blue Light on campus to have a Res Life employee bring you a Free DMC pen and give you a nice, firm slap on the ass for all your hard work.
Stay spoopy bitches, and don’t die.