Best Trick or Treating Spots on Campus

Do you miss fun? Do you miss having joyous memories in your life? Then don’t worry — Res Life and Stressbusters have teamed up to create an awesome Hopkins-wide Trick or Treating event! Here are some of the locations you can hit up between 6:00 and 7:00 AM on Thursday to get some sweet treats!

  1. Each Residential Advisor, assuming they care about you, will be provided with Reese’s and only Reese’s. If you have a nut allergy, fuck off. 
  2. Admissions will be doling out actually useful gift cards to places like Amazon, Honeygrow, Chipotle and Brody Cafe if you’re weird. They will be valued at $1 each.
  3. Student Health and Wellness will be providing all 10 sexually active students with some great mystery flavor dum-dum condoms! Some examples include Cherry, Lysol, and Roast Beef. 
  4. If you pay a visit to Ronny D’s house, you can find him dressed up in a costume handing out everyone’s favorite snacks! Raisins! 
  5. As a promotion, Village Lofts have decided to give out caviar samples, to give you a taste of the life you’ll never have.
  6. He may not be a part of this, but the Charmar Preacher will be providing pocket bibles and eternal damnation to any student who dare celebrates the devil’s birthday.
  7. In an attempt to get better PR, St. Elmo’s will be giving out “fun dip” but we recommend you skip their house altogether.
  8. The FFC managers have graciously offered to provide fresh salmonella, courtesy of unwashed produce and hands due to overworked and underpaid employees.
  9. If you go to UniMini, you MAY be mugged, but simply tell them “no” and you’ll be just dandy. 
  10. Any student who opens the door to Wolman will be immediately flooded by rats. If you manage to catch one you get to keep it as an unregistered support animal.
  11. The St. Paul construction workers are letting students take a FREE block of concrete, along with a promise of a 7:30 am wake-up call. 
  12. Finally, Maryland Hall will have asbestos… like always <3.**

**If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with Mesothelioma you may to be entitled to financial compensation. Mesothelioma is a rare cancer linked to asbestos exposure. Exposure to asbestos in the Navy, shipyards, mills, heating, construction or the automotive industries may put you at risk. Please don’t wait, call 1-800-99 LAW USA today for a free legal consultation and financial information packet. Mesothelioma patients call now! 1-800-99 LAW USA. 

If you visit every location, hit the nearest Blue Light on campus to have a Res Life employee bring you a Free DMC pen and give you a nice, firm slap on the ass for all your hard work. 

Stay spoopy bitches, and don’t die.

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