The sexy pre-med, the number one Halloween costume student among Hopkins students last year, has recently faced shortages due to sexy grade deflation and a lack of sexy research positions on the sexy med campus. Jackie Bolton, a former aspiring sexy pre-med stated, “As much as I wanted to be a sexy pediatric endocrinologist, it’s just too difficult to find a sexy pre-med costume or get a sexy grade on the sexy MCAT.” Bolton is among many former sexy pre-meds that have become sexy IS majors.

“There was too much sexy competition among the sexy pre-meds, so I’m really happy about being a sexy IS major,” said sophomore Veronica Ellis. “I love learning about sexy trade flows and I’m, like, okay with not being a sexy doctor in the future,” she said. “I mean, sexy IS was easier to do, and I feel better knowing that all the lacrosse players are going as the same thing!”

“Don’t get me started on how interesting I find sexy NATO – who doesn’t love sexy intergovernmental military alliances between sexy countries in the sexy North Atlantic Ocean?” said junior Ava Fisher. “Stuff like this is why I love being a sexy IS major, even if I only did it because I almost failed sexy biochem and that’s why I can’t apply to med school.”

Fisher sighed. “Just don’t ask me what I’m going to do with my sexy degree, I get enough of that from my parents.”