SAE Conspiracy Theory Roundup

Breaking news!! Notorious frat SAE has mysteriously vanished off the face of Hopkins’ campus!! What happened?!?!? Here are the only possible theories!!! There are no other explanations!!

  1. Got sucked into the Gilman Seal
  2. Taken by med campus doctors to run experiments on liver damage
  3. SAE House was literally eaten by bees
  4. Watched Stranger Things and tried to find the Upside Down
  5. Got absolutely stabbed to death by Pike
  6. Finally got into an Ivy League! #Emory2020
  7. Due to threat of expulsion, put on wigs and rushed for IX instead
  8. Saw they weren’t #1 on GreekRank and literally couldn’t even
  9. Were recruited by CharMar Preacher for the new SAE: Saviors Against Evolution
  10. Couldn’t afford rent and migrated into the steam tunnels
  11. Heard Wisconsin might drop the drinking age and transferred to UW-Madison
  12. The FBI finally caught on to their role in the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand in 1914
  13. HopCops finally stumbled upon where they live after avoiding an armed robbery
  14. Shoes are permanently stuck to the basement floor, can’t escape, pls take our clickers to class, xoxo Chad
  15. After reading an Opinions article on inherent misogyny in frat culture, they reflected on their characters and made a self-respecting decision to unchain themselves from the confines of toxic masculinity… so they rushed Phi Delt.

Which is the truth? The world may never know!!!

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