Confused Freshman Rushes FFC

Freshman Quad – The Johns Hopkins Interfraternal Council (IFC) and Dean of Student Life are investigating new hazing allegations regarding Freshman Bryan Hill, who claims to be rushing FFC.

The Administration was alerted after security footage surfaced of Hill playing ‘slap the bag’ with an industrial-sized bag of warm chocolate milk while FFC workers stood around and egged him on. 

“My roommate always complains how tough pledging Phi Psi is, but it doesn’t even compare to the daily lunch rush.” Hill said when asked about his alleged hazing. “He may have to endure binge drinking and the threat of being socially ostracized, but have you ever tried to cook five pounds of rice one grain at a time? Ms. Gladys may seem like the nicest person at FFC, but as pledgemaster she’ll make you puke faster than a SAE case-race.”

Hill does not complain about the hazing, though he does admit that he doesn’t feel completely accepted by the others in the frat. “I’m still working to fit in. Every time I call them brother they give me a strange look. But I guess I’m just overstepping my bounds as a pledge.

FFC is not the only place Hill tried to rush this spring. “I was interested in rushing MSE, UTL, AMR, the notoriously punishing BME, and even BNBJ.”  When asked how he finally made his decision, he said, “A big factor was the parties.  The place is always packed, but they’re so exclusive that they even charge girls to get in.”  He added, “the food’s not that great but hey, that’s not what I’m here for.”

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