Hopkins Fraternity Forces Pledges to Enter Frat Bathroom Completely Sober

The Office of Fraternity and Sorority Life has launched an investigation into the Johns Hopkins chapter of Beta Rho after allegedly forcing their pledges to enter the frat house bathroom while completely sober. “These are the most disturbing violations of conduct we’ve ever come across,” said Amy Sung, the lead investigator, “it was beyond inhumane.”    

“Every surface was so sticky,” said an anonymous pledge, “there was just this ambiguous coating on everything, and from its color and smell I had no way to tell if I was standing in urine, Natty Boh, or Natty Boh that had been puked up 5 minutes ago.”

“I’ve been having nightmares about what was in the bathtub for weeks,” said Davy Broffman, another pledge, on his way to counseling. “someone was just sprawled out in there, totally disheveled.  When I turned the lights on he made this terrifying sound, which I couldn’t tell was either gas escaping from a desiccated corpse or just an upperclassman saying ‘Broooooo.’”

The hazing was not limited to the bathrooms alone, Broffman said. “They also made us stay in the basement for 10 minutes and just take in our surroundings – all the smells, all the stains, all of the grime on the floors and walls. It was terrifying. I wish we just had to serenade girls for secret week. Or get puked on. That would be fine too.”

At the time of the new allegations, Beta Rho was already under investigation for reportedly forcing pledges to carry out meaningful conversations with their hookups from the previous night while sober.


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