Don Daniels Buys Domain Name JohnsHopkins.porn

This Sunday, in a move straight out of the T-Swift playbook, JHU’s resident Canadian bad-boy Don Daniels purchased the rights to JohnsHopkins.porn.  He reportedly has high hopes for the website and anticipates that fans will join him in his evil quest to conquer the world.

According to Daniels, this was a logical next step in the growth of his Canadian-Baltimorean-Ukrainian empire.

“We’ve really got to start making some money.  The Pike bros are burning through our endowment. I mean I literally had to stop one from rolling blunts with cash.”

Speaking of Pike bros, they in particular are excited for the site to go live.  Gigantic Douche [all names are changed to protect the bros’ privacy] exclaimed, “Yeah, the head brosef Daniels promised me a great part in one of his films.  I’m gonna get so much ass!”

When asked whether or not this was true, the “head brosef” replied, “Yeah, I did promise [Gigantic Douche], [Ass Nozzle], and [Puke Bag] parts.  Unfortunately, we are having trouble finding female talent, so they might just have to be in a film together.  You know this is good, I’ve been meaning to get the bros to stop yelling out “No Homo” all the damn time.  Plus, I wanted to make the site inclusive for our LGBT bros out there. Bro on bro porn is actually quite the money maker.”

Surprisingly, it appears that the site is quite anticipated even among students from other universities.  In an email, a misguided Loyola student, I<3Greyhounds69@aol.com asked, “Maybe you could put some Loyola girls in there for bros who are intimidated by chicks who can actually pass orgo?”

The current plan is for the site to launch by the end of the summer, by which point Daniels hopes the majority of the incoming freshmen will be 18.

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