“I Love My Big,” Declares Sister in Fear of Going Against Big Sister’s Totalitarian Regime

The Black and Blue Jay conducted an anonymous interview with a new sorority member claiming that her Big has set up an authoritarian regime to track her at all times. This sister, who asked to be referred to under the pseudonym Georgia Orwen, stated,

“Big Sister is watching me. She knows my favorite foods, she has my schedule – she says it’s so she can plan lunch dates, but I think she’s trying to find out where I am at all times.” She added, “Oh, and she tried to put a microchip under my skin using a knife during one of our pregames.”

“When my sisters’ Bigs decorated their rooms, they got balloons and streams and confetti and dildos and fun shit,” she said. “I got 47 miniature microphones and cameras hidden in my room and ‘WAR IS PEACE FREEDOM IS SLAVERY IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH’ spray-painted on my wall. And I can’t forget that giant TV with the huge picture of her face watching me at all times.”

“Whenever I forget to text her back, she starts to threaten to strap a wire cage filled with hungry rats to my face. She can’t find out what I’m telling you guys – she’ll send me to her torture chamber, Bloomberg 101. But she needs to know I love her! I love my Big!”

After saying this, Big Sister reportedly charged Orwen with thotcrime. On this development, Orwen reportedly stated, “If there is hope, it lies in the GDIs.”

Sitting in her dorm, Orwen gazed up at the enormous face. Forty days it had taken her to learn what kind of smile was hidden beneath the dark red lipstick. O cruel, needless misunderstanding! O stubborn, self-willed exile from the loving bestie! Two mascara stained tears trickled down the sides of her nose. But it was all right, everything was all right, the struggle was finished. She had won the victory over herself. She loved Big Sister.

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