In a move that has stunned students and economists alike, Hopkins administrators have recently announced the rollout of a new digital currency ‘HopCoin’ (HOP). Starting Monday, the university stated the coin would be the exclusive currency for all on-campus monetary transactions. Hopkins’ chief finance officer Bitney J. Ponsonby spoke about the coin’s release in a press interview.

“We’re like, getting with the times, dude,” Ponsonby said in his response. “WAGMI.”

We questioned the CFO about his rationale for launching the project.

“Elon Musk has been a massive source of inspiration for me,” he told the BNBJ press. “The success he had with Dogecoin was so profound. It made me wonder if we should do the same.”

When asked to elaborate on the coin’s logistics, Ponsonby directed our reporter to the homepage of r/wallstreetbets. 

HOP’s initial rollout was met with broad skepticism, with students initially relying on alternative payment methods to avoid using the coin. This all changed after a sidechat post was published to the platform late on Tuesday evening featuring an image of a blue jay flying to the moon. 

By midweek, HopCoin had surged to over 10x its initial value, largely fueled by parents panic-buying “to cover tuition” and finance majors excited to finally be relevant. According to a whitepaper published by the JHU finance department as HopCoin_FINAL2_REALLYFINAL(3).pdf, a portion of all transaction fees were to go into a university-controlled liquidity pool “to stabilize the ecosystem.” Independent observers noted this pool was governed by a single wallet, HOPKINS_MAIN, which Hopkins officials declined to discuss.

Late on Wednesday night, insider sources say administrators held an emergency meeting to discuss “liquidity management,” during which the wallet titled “HOPKINS_MAIN” placed a ‘sell all’ order. The resulting chain reaction resulted in the coin’s value rapidly dropping to nearly zero, and was shortly followed by a slew of tomatoes (and other objects) being thrown through the windows of the JHU finance office. The coin’s valuation has remained there since, though the Hopkins administration continues to insist on its usage. 

Ponsonby has since been spotted advertising a discord-based course titled ‘Top J Wealth Academy’, which he proclaims to be “the ultimate guide to financial independence.” 

To keep up with more financial news, stay tuned at the Black and Blue Jay.