After years of oppression, Hopkins BME majors have organized a special demonstration of their unique identities for Thursday, October 11th. A pride parade has been scheduled to celebrate the Hopkins BME department’s number-one ranking despite their continual persecution under the tyrannical hand of normal and attractive people. The parade is scheduled to depart from Hackerman Hall at 8am, and march all the way to the medical school.
The 4-mile route will lead proud BME’s past historic Baltimore sites such as the gas station on North Charles street and the Starbucks on North Charles street. On the way, marchers will carry signs with slogans including “Free To B-Me”, “BMEquality”, and “Marriage Rights Now.” Once it reaches the medical school, the parade will culminate in a festival celebrating the many facets of the BME identity and community. The festival will include speaking appearances by a bionic man named Harvey, recruiters from Pfizer, and two of the less-hot robots from Westworld.
Sophomore BME major Jessica Warren, a co-organizer of the march, had this to say: “I came out to my mom last year as a BME. As soon as I heard Daft Punk’s Technologic on the radio at age 8, I knew that this was who I was meant to be. I’m so glad I found my team at JHU– my design team.”
“Nobody at my high school was a BME, so I founded the BME-Straight Alliance (BMESA) all by myself,” said junior BME Walter Crowley. “Now that I’m at Hopkins I’ve finally found my community.”
Crowley, however, says he won’t be participating in the parade on Thursday. “I drank too much last weekend at Sig Chi, so as a little pet project I’m growing myself a new liver in a petri dish,” he said. “I don’t have time to go to frivolous events like parades the way humanities majors are always doing. I’m just too busy.”
The parade will hopefully avoid the controversies of last year, where it was overtaken by members of groups such as The Georgia Tech Defense Society, Women for Women’s Womenness (STEM Division), and the “Please Fund The Arts For The Love Of God” Club.
Anyone interested in joining the festivities should stand on the Beach and loudly brag about their GPA until an event organizer finds them. Note: the parade will NOT be offered for credit.