Student’s Emotional Support Animal In Dire Need of Emotional Support

Recently, sophomore Reese Wilkins has been concerned about the emotional health of her emotional support dog, Dave. The dog has been having a hard time with the month wait at the canine counseling center, due to his trauma of being hit by a car while crossing his t’s on a Rhodes.  Thus, Wilkins took the courageous decision to get a smaller support dog for Dave.  This chihuahua, Ben, was helpful initially in consoling Dave, but after a week his deeper issue of a Napoleon complex began to show.

In a real pickle, the junior sociology and econ double major, decided to reach out to a local squirrel wrangling agency, to utilize one of their support squirrels.  So they gave her Taz, who for weeks kept everyone calm and constant.  However, one day one of the FFC ladies noticed something strange in Taz’s cheek and discovered an FFC blunt knife.  Upon returning home, Wilkins discovered that Taz in fact had been hoarding FFC knives for quite some time, causing a perennial shortage.

In order to curb Taz’s bad habit, Wilkins brought on a support rat, Remi, who was able to allay Taz’s addiction.  However, it turned out that Remi’s joie de vivre was dressing up as a peacock, the form he felt he truly existed as.  This mental effort strained Remi emotionally, so he could no longer offer Taz a shoulder to cry on.  Thus, Wilkins brought on a fifth critter, Purple the caterpillar, who kept the ship stable for several weeks, until she was driven off track by pupa-erty.  

Already worried that the McCoy RA would discover her veritable zoo, Wilkins herself offered Purple the guidance she desperately needed.  At the end of the day, when Wilkins discovered that her situation was too stressful and emotionally taxing for herself and her menagerie of fauna, she made the simple decision and switched to public health.  

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