As we’re in SOHOP season, throngs of accepted students have been/will be descending on Homewood campus. These are the ten kids you’ll meet during SOHOP.
- The kid who wants to party
- “You realize this is Hopkins, right?”
- The one who got into your dream school
- “It’s hard. I’m deciding between here, UChicago, Stanford, and Yale. What should I do?” Hmm…go fuck yourself!
- The ED kid bc they looooove Hopkins
- He has erectile dysfunction… we know that’s a weak joke, but so is his dick.
- The one with overbearing parents
- “There are no parties at Hopkins, right? Right? You don’t have a hangover now, right?”
- The Nervous Nellie
- They’re a lil’ bitch.
- The Wharton kid
- Is anyone going to tell him?
- “Pre-med makes me special” kid
- This kid will graduate Public Health, the communications major of Hopkins.
- The BME reject
- “Hey my name is Alex, I’m from New Jersey, and I think I won’t be that depressed as a Chem BE.”
- The girl who posts every day on the accepted students group
- She is already looking for a roommate, but will end up with a random one.
- The one genuinely nice kid
- Guys want to be him, girls want to get with him — or vice versa if you swing that way — but it doesn’t matter, he’s going to Michigan.
The Black and Blue Jay 