The 10 Kids You’ll Meet at SOHOP

As we’re in SOHOP season, throngs of accepted students have been/will be descending on Homewood campus.  These are the ten kids you’ll meet during SOHOP.

    1. The kid who wants to party
      • “You realize this is Hopkins, right?”
    2. The one who got into your dream school
      • “It’s hard. I’m deciding between here, UChicago, Stanford, and Yale.  What should I do?” Hmm…go fuck yourself!
    3. The ED kid bc they looooove Hopkins
      • He has erectile dysfunction… we know that’s a weak joke, but so is his dick.
    4. The one with overbearing parents
      • “There are no parties at Hopkins, right? Right?  You don’t have a hangover now, right?”
    5. The Nervous Nellie
      • They’re a lil’ bitch.
    6. The Wharton kid
      • Is anyone going to tell him?
    7. “Pre-med makes me special” kid
      • This kid will graduate Public Health, the communications major of Hopkins.
    8. The BME reject
      • “Hey my name is Alex, I’m from New Jersey, and I think I won’t be that depressed as a Chem BE.”
    9. The girl who posts every day on the accepted students group
      • She is already looking for a roommate, but will end up with a random one.
    10. The one genuinely nice kid 
      • Guys want to be him, girls want to get with him — or vice versa if you swing that way — but it doesn’t matter, he’s going to Michigan.

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