Welcome to JHU, Class of 2020!

Johns Hopkins is a world class institution that attracts more pre-meds without souls, public health majors that smoke, and obnoxious overachievers from the tri-state area than any other school in the country.

During your time here at JHU, you’ll be able to take part in many Johns Hopkins traditions such as Lighting of the Quads, taking selfies with suspiciously cheery president Ron Daniels, experimenting with hallucinogens at Spring Fair, and protesting the administration’s latest and greatest fuck-up. (You should have been here when SIS was still called ISIS.)

Most of you may not know what to expect as you begin your freshman year. But truth be told, college is a lot like Animal House. If you go to Dartmouth.

Even though you may not know what to expect, there are some things we can say for sure. We can say that you’ll grow so much over these four years. If you have rich parents, you’re going to live in Village Lofts one day. You’re going to have to unfriend someone after they start writing for the Odyssey. And if you’re living in Hopkins Inn this year, it’s okay, we all make mistakes. It’s just that some of us make bigger mistakes than others.

Our advice to you:

Have an open mind. Make the most of covered grades. Explore Baltimore, then watch The Wire, in that order. And enjoy getting to eat at the FFC before you have to buy and cook food for yourself like a goddamn 45-year-old.




Check out our website to get a taste of what Hopkins is really like. And like us on Facebook to catch every article and hear about upcoming meetings!

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