Top Ten Lacrosse Players to Watch at Tomorrow’s Homecoming Game

The Blue Jays brave tomorrow’s April snow to play against Ohio State as part of the annual homecoming game. Top players to watch for are listed below, accompanied by a short bio:

  • Bentley Jasper Fairchild
    Position: Forward. GPA: don’t ask.
  • Rutherford Donovan Charles-Kingsley
    Descendant of the first white people to steal lacrosse from the Native Americans.
  • Brock Callahan Kensington Jr.
    Been playing lacrosse for 12 years, growing his mustache for the same amount of time.
  • Johns-Towson Loyola Roland
    Transfer student.
  • Daniel Coit Gilman
    Also a transfer student.
  • Carlton LAXLORD Digsby III
    Allegedly responsible for a gruesome scooter accident that injured star defenseman Kyle Brooks Charleston Brooksward.
  • Luc Augustus Antony
    Graduate of elite Baltimore prep school, McBlakefield Gilman’s Latin Hall.
  • Schuyler LaCrosse Skyler
    Econ major. But you knew that already.
  • Kennedy “Musk” Barnaby-Stephenson Sr. Jr.
    Barnaby-Stephenson’s flow is the most impressive on the team. In fact, his hair was once featured in Pantene commercials.
  • Bleepblorp, the Immortal
    Not very fast, but he’s got a great arm – all eight of them! Hopefully his competitive nature translates to lacrosse talent after a lifetime of mercilessly killing humans.

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