1. The intersection at 33^rd and North Charles

Where else can you find yourself with a walk symbol AND also a herd of impatient cars quickly coming around a turn to get you? What a fun game! This is safe and definitely won’t end in a tragic disaster!

2. Not being Ivy League

All of the work, none of the bragging rights. It really doesn’t get better than that.

3. Char mar

$6 for a roll of free-range non-GMO toilet paper is LEGIT REASONABLE, people. Check your privilege.

4. Everything about registration

Nothing says “no one gives a fuck about you” like waking up at 7 am and still not getting any class you want or need. You are an unimportant cog in the machine.

5. Baltimore weather

72 degrees one day, 38 degrees the next. It keeps you on your motherfuckin’ toes. Check that weather app in the morning or feel the pain of sweating your balls off on a walk to Gilman/losing a finger to hypothermia on the way to Bloomberg.

6. McCoy

Want to relive freshman year, minus all the fun and camaraderie, and plus ten extra square feet in your room? Move to McCoy!

7. The extra “s” in “Johns Hopkins”

This always leads to a fun game with strangers where you have to explain yourself 10 fucking times. It usually causes these people to develop a deep appreciation for you, and definitely not them thinking you’re a stuck-up douchebag.

8. The FFC

Hopkins dining staff has been kind enough to gather all of the fellow freshmen you awkwardly made out with two months ago while blackout, and place them in a 30-foot radius from you while you try to eat your goddamn dinner.

9. The administrators who control Greek Life

These guys are the life of the party. Strike that, these guys are the death of the party, and thank God! Soon we won’t have any parties at all and can finally get down to studying. We have too much fun here. Bring on the library for a change!

10. Thanksgiving Break

Wait, this is actually tight. Shit is a week long. 168 hours of Netflix and my dog. Now I just don’t want it to be over.