Citing his glaring lack of a cold-blooded monster to do his dirty work, Don Daniels recently recruited and morphed conscientious freshman Kenny McGill into an equally conscientious killing machine.
“I answer solely to Mr. Daniels, the supreme overlord over the 28th through 40th block of North Charles Street!” McGill said “Actually, let me correct that. I also answer to teachers, parents, and all officers of the law who aren’t trying to interfere with my mass murder of all Mr. Daniels’ adversaries. Remember kids, respect for authority is an important part of being a responsible citizen!”
Sam Felton, McGill’s roommate, commented, “Well, knowing Kenny, the only thing that has really changed is that now he watches hockey a lot and sharpens his bowie knife while muttering stuff about how the NHL will regret erasing Mr. D from its history books, whatever that means. Other than that, he’s still the same old Kenny. He still tips the people who bring the toilet paper to the dorm, just like he used to.”
Don Daniels himself was unavailable for comment, but his Pike Bro Press Secretary, J-Dog, issued a statement: “The Don Daniels regime is very excited to have Kenny on board. We foresee this being a long, fruitful, carnage-riddled partnership. Kenny will be the Darth Vader to Donny’s Emperor, the Kip to his Uncle Rico, propelling us to supreme dominance over the entire Hopkinsphere! And Bubble!”
The addition of Kenny to Daniels’ troops has not been seamless, however. There has been a point of contention over the fact that he will not join Pike, as their pledge tasks are “not very mild-mannered.”
At press time, Kenny was seen asking very politely about how to legally and responsibly obtain a device called a chain-thrower, half flamethrower and half chainsaw, to do an “errand” for his boss at Wayne Gretzky’s house.