Aging Superfan Ecstatic at Track Win

Sources from this past weekend’s track meet confirm that the Blue Jay runners were not the only ones celebrating their landslide victory. Out of civil service, the Black and Blue Jay sent a field reporter to track down the mystery man spotted underneath the bleachers popping champagne as the Blue Jays claimed yet another victory.

“I’ve never been this proud of them. The Centennial Conference is so hard to compete in. It’s like the SEC of the Mid-Atlantic for Division 3 schools,” Herb Summers, 67, from Lancaster, PA, said in an interview.

Summers later revealed that he has been an avid track fan his entire life.

“My mother never let me watch NASCAR growing up because she said it was only for southerners and that if I was going to watch something go fast and take left turns it was going to be my future wife.” When Summers was on vacation in Baltimore 15 years ago to tour the Domino Sugar Refinery, he stopped by the Homewood campus and fell in love with watching the track team.

“I’ve seen a lot of people run in my life, but no one has gotten me going like the Hopkins team. They are quick, have great technique, stretch every 30 minutes, and not so bad to look at if you know what I mean. I’ve been to every meet in the past decade or so and I’ve seen them dominate everyone; but this particular meet really got my blood flowing. It only seemed fitting that I drew a little attention to myself with a celebratory toast from the security and privacy of my sub-bleacher abode.”

I then asked Mr. Summers if the track team knows he is their biggest, and upon further investigation, only, fan. His response was simple, “my doll version does.”

Summers regularly attends all track meets, practices, and physical therapy sessions either from afar via binoculars or by hiding in the shadows. He has been applying to become the team doctor but has been rejected a record 14 times due to his lack of experience, certification, knowledge, and refusal to shave his pencil mustache.

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