Repressed Student Experiences Adrenaline Rush After Accidently Playing Rap Song on Spotify

Student Nora Smith reportedly experienced an unusually powerful adrenaline rush last night while studying after accidentally listening to N.W.A’s 1988 classic protest song “Fuck Tha Police.”

“Normally, I just listen to Mozart, Gregorian chants, or I’ll put my headphones on and listen to absolute, numbing, bone-chilling silence. Sometimes I’ll play classic Kidz Bop album cuts if I’m feeling particularly hip and adventurous,” said Smith. “But this song, let’s call it ‘F Tha Police,’ by N.W.A came on somehow… it was like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. Also, I looked up what N.W.A stands for, and I don’t feel comfortable saying the acronym.”

Smith elaborated further, stating “They said such mean things about white people! I was disgusted, but I couldn’t stop paying attention, kind of like when your Uncle Richard gets too drunk and whips his member out in the middle of Thanksgiving dinner.”

Similar to the previous scenario, Smith also found listening to N.W.A so wrong it was right.

“See, the scary thing is… it felt good. My heart was beating faster. I started sweating in places I didn’t know I could sweat. I was entering a new level of consciousness. Scary thoughts, thoughts I’ve never had before – they started popping up in my head. I really wanted to go up to a police officer and ask how his day was then break his jaw with my bare fist and say grace before doing a line off of a hooker’s bottom and ride dirty with my posse through the streets of Compton waaay past my bedtime.”

At press time, Smith reported that she was listening to Tupac’s “I Wonder If Heaven Got a Ghetto.”

“West Coast for life, man,” she added. “F Biggie.”

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