Student Submits Erotic Fan Fiction for All IFP Assignments

In her Intro to Fiction and Poetry II class, freshman Becky Wallander has submitted erotic fan fiction for every assignment of the semester.  Wallander’s classmates have found her work controversial, accusing it of being inherently derivative and also making everyone uncomfortable due to its graphic sex scenes.

“Becky certainly displays a, um, great passion for writing,” said Wallander’s IFP TA Kevin Hollins. “But for all our sakes, she needs to get laid. It’s just too awkward to critique her. I work at Hopkins, for God’s sake! I never thought I would have to read about Spock-on-Kirk action – in a professional setting, that is.”

Hollins’ students echoed the feelings of discomfort.

“Nobody knows what to say when we workshop. There’s just silence,” said freshman Mary Keller. “I guess we could say that she uses ‘cucumber’ as a metaphor for penises too much, but I kinda just want to collect all the copies of her stories and her hard drive and have a ceremonial bonfire to rid the world those gay sex scenes she wrote about Harry Potter characters. I’ve been having nightmares for weeks because ‘Whomping Under the Willow: The Hagrid-Snape Affair.’”

Wallander, avid Trekkie/Potterhead/Superwholockian, remains defiant.

“My Tumblr followers all love my writing. I once got like 12 notes on my best Twilight slash fic, ‘Blood Isn’t the Only Thing Vampires Suck.’”

She also expressed frustration regarding the lack of feedback from her classmates, saying, “Nobody talks during workshop, but there’s so much I want to know. Can they feel the love between Sherlock and Watson? Could they tell that character I introduced is based off of me? Is that really how a blowjob works?” Wallander sighed. “I wouldn’t know.”

Tensions are expected to rise further once Wallander debuts her newest story about her IFP TA and classmates.​

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