Hopkins Rated #1 in Nation for Number of Hopkins Students on Campus

In an exciting announcement published earlier in the week, US News has ranked Hopkins #1 in the Nation! This ranking was listed, in much smaller print, under the subheading ‘in terms of Hopkins Students on Campus.’ JHU Administration was quick to jump to the listservs to announce its first-place finish.
“We’ve always known Hopkins to be a prestigious and elite university,” said the release sent out to every student, faculty, or celebrity to ever come to campus, “and it’s a testament to the Johns Hopkins spirit that we’ve finally been recognized as the top university in the nation****”.
Students were quick to jump to social media to share the finding with their friends. Within hours of the release, the hashtag HopkinsBeatsHarvard was trending nationwide. Student Joshua Prolin was adamant about outdoing his ivy contemporaries, as evidenced by the following tweet, which was favorited over one thousand times.
“@Harvard Seriously fuck you so much Harvard!!!! You should have accepted me now look we’re number one bitch!!! Eat shit and DIEEEEE!!!”
Prolin’s sentiments were more or less echoed campus-wide, with the Student Government Association hosting an on-campus t-shirt giveaway to really get everyone in the Hopkins community to be on campus at the same time. Turnout was dismal, but the sentiment was really there.
Just prior to press time, Johns Hopkins was ranked number 8 in the nation by the JHU Gazette.

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