It’s taken 138 years of midterms, problem sets, and all-nighters, but a Johns Hopkins senior has finally reached a level of disillusion so intense that he discovered an even lower level of the library. Tentatively dubbed “E-level,” this newly found floor of MSE is extremely difficult to access. The senior in question, Neil Cortez, sat down with the BNBJ to explain his find.
“You just have to not. give. a. fuck. I don’t know how else to explain it. I was studying on D-level, and I just got so fucking fed up with…everything. I was so over it that I somehow got UNDER it, ya know?”
Since its unearthing, E-level has only been accessed by a select number of students and faculty, who were able to find its entrance only after a consultation with Cortez.Or at least that was the thought, until a small pocket of grad students was found grading papers near a burning bush they used to light their hand-rolled cigarettes.  Said one bleary-eyed grad,
“The never-ending supply of red ink is great for going over these Expos essays. Seriously, engineers. Read a book sometime.”
Those who have ventured into the depths of E-level describe it as “basically hell,” and “still better than trying to study in the Atrium.” Other reports mention an incessant growling noise, the occasional burst of mystical hellfire, and a surprisingly elegant set of cubicles. For the rest of us, however, the entrance remains elusive.
“I’ve gotta say, it’s a good study spot though. Sometimes I’m here for what feels like hours, but it’s only a few minutes in the real world. Great for studying. The skeletons lying around really helped me on my anatomy quizzes. Definitely not losing my mind.”
Cortez was last seen attempting to penetrate even deeper into the library’s depths to find a cafe that would serve him an octuple shot latte.