In a move to promote tourism and generate revenue, Baltimore’s Little Italy has unveiled a Teeny Tiny Vatican. A complete scale model contained within just small section of alley space, the new attraction was revealed last night to a mini crowd of spectators with a wee little ceremony.
“Personally, I think it’s incredible,” said Baltimore resident Phil Hammond. “I was amazed by the level of detail on the Itty Bitty Sistine Chapel. And standing within the three square feet of the Teensy Little St. Peter’s Square was the best miniature spiritual experience I’ve had.”
“Where else could you meet Pee-Wee Pope Francis?” said resident Tina Simmons, gesturing toward a four-foot tall child dressed in full Pope regalia. “I feel so blessed. Though the view from the top of the Itsy-Bitsy St. Peter’s Basilica was a little disappointing, just because it was only two inches taller than my normal height.”
“You can never have too much God!” said Gertrude Edmunds, first in line to visit following the unveiling. “Having lived in Baltimore for the past 50 years, I’m just so glad Christianity is reclaiming some territory in this Godless city, even if this is just a teensy little alleyway.”
The pint-size opening has not been without controversy, however. Pee-Wee Pope Francis has come under fire recently for his divisive statements on clerical celibacy and for allegedly refusing to eat his vegetables. Little Italy has refused to comment on the tiny controversies surrounding the Pee-Wee Pope, in addition to their silence on the teeny-weeny Catholic priest sex scandals.