Speaking on behalf of the sorority Kappa Kappa Gamma, Junior Michelle Andruzzi announced today that all words either written or spoken at the upcoming Kappa Kook Off must start with the letter K. Said Andruzzi, “Well, it’s that time of year again! Kappa Kook Off is this Friday! As always, we want people to come out and enjoy themselves, but this year we do have one rule: everyone in attendance will be required to start each word they speak, write, sing or otherwise communicate with the letter K. How kool is that? Huh? Huh?”
When asked why this new rule change, Andruzzi responded, “We think it really heightens the occasion, you know? This isn’t just some dumb Cook off. It’s one that starts with the letter K, which is something sacred, something to honor.”
Andruzzi went on to say that anyone who begins a word with “even so much as a hard C” will be escorted from the party and brought to a holding cell overnight.
A group of students, calling themselves The Other 25 expressed outrage, saying that the new rule discriminated against letters A through J and L through Z. Sophomore Kristen Kearny, a member of The Other 25, said, “This is an outrage! The rule is offensive to so many people… I assume… and I will not rest until it is overturned! I’ll still probably go to the actual Kook Off, though… the burgers were really good last year,” she added.
Some students heartily endorsed the new rule, saying “Other letters are overrated anyway,” and “they have food that isn’t from the FFC right?”
Regardless of the dissent of campus lunatics, the event is going ahead as planned, although reports indicate that a reading of short stories by Khafka has been tentatively scheduled and the menu has been changed to serve only kale.