How To Summon A Ghost For Your Introductory History Paper

Finding primary sources can be difficult, and they can often be confusing or lacking in context. We at QuickieHow are here to help. What’s better for historical perspective than talking to the people who were there themselves? Here’s how to summon a ghost for your introductory history essay.

Step 1: Set the mood.

Find a quiet, empty room. The Counseling Center is a great option for this, since they don’t do much anyways. Find your nearest astrology girl and borrow some crystals to arrange artfully and make the ghosts feel welcome. The scented candle collecting dust on your desk will be great for this, too. Playing an orgo lecture softly in the background may also be enticing to the ghosts, since it simulates the underworld. You will likely want to set up a camera as well to upload your séance to Panopto™ when you are done.

Step 2: Invite your FYM group. 

We’re reaching out to the dead, might as well get a warm up. They may have some good ice breakers to make the spirits feel at home. You can also invite the single classics major at Hopkins to assist with Latin bullshit.

Step 3: Set a table with offerings. 

Here are some suggestions: physics back tests, a kidney stone, FFC leftovers that have been in the back of your fridge for the last two weeks, that bunny from spring 2021 with half of its brain exposed, a crisp twenty.

Step 4: Conduct your séance. 

Form a circle with your FYM members, and join hands. You can lick your hands to assert your dominance and illustrate dedication to the spirits. Close your eyes and, in unison, chant “Numquam te tradet, numquam te dimittam”. Do this until you see, hear, feel, or smell a presence in the room with you.

Step 5: Ask questions.

Typical questions may include: Did you lose anyone to the Plague? Who was the hottest candidate in the 1816 presidential election? Have you or a loved one been affected by mesothelioma? What do you think of 2012 pop hit Gangnam Style by PSY?

Step 6: Dismiss the apparition.

You may create your own farewell, but if you’re not creative, a simple “spiritus begonus” or a premature “I love you” will do nicely. 

Step 7: Figure out how to cite a spirit’s testimony in MLA format.

We can’t help you there.

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