- An automated email from Res Life telling you to beat it, and not your meat
- Pictures of your family having a great time without you
- Student Health & Wellness will take back your vaccine
- HopCop K9 chihuahuas will piss on your bed and scratch up your couch
- Your mom will call you and tell you how proud you could have made her if you were more like your brother
- Calls in the middle of the day from an asthmatic telemarketer asking if you know where his inhaler is
- Your dad will forget to pick you up on his way back from your girlfriend’s house
- The university will send in a crew of juiced up lax players to trash your room and make you pay for the damages, including the curious waist-level holes in the drywall
The Black and Blue Jay 