CS Student Running SIS Doesn’t Want to Do This Anymore

Do you ever wonder why SIS sucks copious ass? The CS student in charge of running the student portal during course registration recently came forward because he simply can’t take it anymore. This is his story. 

Justin Keene is a senior studying computer science. As a freshman eager to boost his grad school resume, he applied to an internship with the prestigious software development firm, Super Important Software (SIS). 

This was a scam. He signed a contract for 4 years and remains the primary and sole SIS IT guy to this day. He works tirelessly from the hours of 6:55 AM to 7:05 AM and requires a wide open IV drip of Bang Energy just to get through it.

At 7:00 AM sharp, Justin manually drags and drops each student’s classes into their schedule. When he gets rebellious, he presses a button to make SIS crash for students whose ID pictures look at him the wrong way.

When he gets bored, he adds random prerequisites to classes. Now, you can’t take Calc I without Calc III. 

When he gets lonely, Justin adds random people to his classes so that he may one day make a friend. 

All this hard work is taking a toll on Justin’s health. “It’s gotten so bad that now I have carpal tunnel,” he said. “I can’t open a jar or even masturbate without help”. 

If anyone is interested in helping Justin open jars, he promises to make sure your SIS never crashes again. 

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