We know the feeling: a new semester, a clean slate, and seat in the 81st slot of a 200-person waitlist. Fear not– we’ve compiled the top tips to help you cut the line and get into the class of your dreams.

1. Kill a student already in the class and assume their identity
2. Transfer and take the class at Northwestern “University”
3. Hack into SIS and delete the class entirely
4. Go to grad school, get a PhD, and teach the class yourself
5. Appeal to the professor with an IFP love poem
6. Mass-email the other students that the class was moved to Olin Hall; wait for most of them to go missing in the woods
7. Threaten to leave a bad Yelp review
8. Filibuster every lecture until they let you in
9. Say please
10. Send a strongly worded email to the professor’s mom
11. Just take Intro to Human Brain instead
12. Spread a vicious rumor that the professor is racist against white people
13. Ask to speak to the manager
14. Lie and say that Ron Daniels is your father, and that “Daddy will hear about this”
15. Do the hokie pokie
16. Turn yourself around
17. Ugly cry with non-waterproof mascara on
18. Stare at the professor unblinkingly from the dimly lit corner of their office
19. Call 911
20. Travel to an alternate universe where you did get into the class

Whatever you do, definitely don’t just forge your professor’s signature on the add/drop slip. Good luck!