Car Full of Baltimore Cops “Definitely Not” Surveilling Student Body

If you make a habit of documenting institutional power imbalances in our city, or if you just have eyes, you have probably noticed the two Ford Escalades ‘Full O’ Cops’ that sit outside of MSE library every day. The Black and Blue Jay recently launched an investigation into this heightened police presence and concluded that the officers are there for “totally normal” activities that “definitely don’t” include surveilling the student population.

Although our reporting is still ongoing, we have compiled a list of possible police activities that could be lurking on the border of campus. Here’s what the cops may be doing aside from creating a threatening environment that fosters systemic racial inequality:

  1. Creating a non-threatening environment that still fosters systemic racial inequality
  2. Using cars of fake cops as a decoy to distract from the actual cops in the bushes
  3. Talking through their deep-seated emotional problems with each other
  4. Pepper-spraying their FFC chicken in a desperate bid for flavor
  5. Waiting to assassinate the Blue Jay mascot
  6. Confiscating joints from students on the Beach
  7. Hotboxing
  8. Arresting the students on the Beach who gave them joints
  9. Waiting for the SGA to make a difference
  10. Slowly rolling up their windows in the faces of students who ask them what they’re doing there
  11. Just chillin’
  12. Escorting a racist tour group family
  13. Waiting for even one single qualified therapist to walk by
  14. Prank-calling the ACLU
  15. Staging an extended performance art piece to fuck with the Students Against Private Police

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