After months of intense deliberation and delicate negotiations, the Spring Fair committee is proud to announce the Spring Fair 2018 headliner: The Wiggles! Opening for The Wiggles is world-renowned artistic group Nickelback, funded by the Hopkins Parents Fund.

Nickelback will halfheartedly attempt to perform the iconic vine “Look at this graph” eight times before walking off stage and letting the REAL bangers take the stage, The Wiggles. The Wiggles will be wiggling their way into our hearts, performing hits such as “Fruit Salad! (Yummy, Yummy!)” and “Hot Potato”.

The campus is abuzz with excitement in preparation for Spring Fair, and several departments are even joining in on the festivities! Hopkins Dining is excited to partner with The Wiggles for 3 full weeks of themed FFC snacks, including a hot potato bar, salad greens, and perhaps even a single fresh fruit. The Chemistry department is whipping up a fresh batch of ketamine to get us properly stoned on The Beach. The Physics department will be perfecting the bounce house firmness. The Behavioral Bio department will release some of their test subjects to be used in the petting zoo.

Tickets are available for purchase starting midnight of the next blue moon for $40 of your parents’ 401K. If you can’t catch them during Spring Fair, make sure to see them in the Beta basement for the wildest after-party this campus has ever seen!