10 Things You Need to Know to Understand Lacrosse

  1. It’s pronounced “Lax.”
  2. 99% of lax games take place in a two-mile stretch of North Charles Street in Baltimore.
  3. Each team needs 10 bros on the field, and the first ten minutes of each game will be spent brainstorming broisms.(Nobody has come up with anything good since Barack Brobama.)
  4. Calves the size of melons are required.  There are pre-game measurements.
  5. Refs throw flags, apparently.  (They have no idea how to tell when a team is offsides either.)
  6. Shorts must be worn every day, no matter the temperature or whether the player is actually playing or just chilling or at a frat party or in class or at grandma’s.
  7. A sweet spoon is essential and must be brought everywhere. No, but, seriously, everywhere.
  8. Players must be adept at handling a stick and cradling balls.
  9. The main object of the game is to develop “nice flow,” otherwise known as “dope lettuce.”
  10. If boxing is the “sport of kings,” lacrosse is the “sport of white guys in boarding schools named Preston.”

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