Sohop Student Accidentally Sets the Curve for P Chem

Reggie Lewis, an enthusiastic prospective student visiting for SOHOP, has set a university record by accidentally taking and scoring a 112 on the Physical Chemistry midterm.  The Black and Blue Jay has interviewed those involved to memorialize reactions to this historic moment.

Carlos Dångêr, a disgruntled junior pre-med, complained to our reporter “I haven’t slept in 48 hours, and then this fetus walks into the class thinking he’s the shit or something. Guess I’ll just switch to Public Health”.

An unwhelmed Professor Kit Bowen sniffed and insisted that the feat wasn’t that impressed, stating that he had finished the exam in under 20 minutes, “Psh. 30 minutes is for amateurs”.

Susan S. Stacy, the one person in admissions who’s nutted twice already, slobbered at poor Reggie “You know we have this Woodrow Wilson Fellowship. We’ll give you money, stocks, people, anything you want! Justify my existence!”

Jack Blabadybäk, the post-bac far back from the black board–we mean all the way in the back–was talking smack, sneering “This shit is wack. This maniac, cadillac kid gave those whiny pre-meds some payback for their insomniac panic attacks”.

Unfortunately for Hopkins and Susan S. Stacy, Reggie Lewis proved just how smart he was by choosing the debt-free option of UMass Amherst. Go…. Minutemen?

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