Fun New Classes to Get a B- In

The registrar’s office has released a list of the courses that students are clamoring to take next semester. When you register this week, keep an eye out for these intellectually-stimulating classes…

  1. Meninist Fiction: Fundamentals
    • A follow-up course to Feminist Fiction: Fundamentals, this class is all about giving equal voice to the most oppressed group in this modern age: straight, white men.
  2. Intersectionality: A White Woman’s Guide To Ignoring It
    • Works studied include Megan Trainor’s recent discography, Taylor Swift just in general, and the recent biography of Ivanka Trump.
  3. How Not To Leave Your Fucking Dishes On The FFC Tables
    • The first Hopkins class guest-taught by former Hopkins Dining director Bill Connor.
  4. Unmaking America: Hopkins’ Gentrification of Baltimore
    • Field trips every week to R House!
  5. Conspiracy Theories in Contemporary America
    • Why Bush did 9/11, and why the Gilman seal will come alive on the Day of Judgement?
  6. How To Call Your Family For One Fucking Minute Per Month
    • This class is sponsored by the Hopkins Parents’ Fund, and promises to bring tears of joy to your mother’s eyes… for your final grade!
  7. Things Not To Put Up Your Ass
    • Taught for free by doctors from Union Memorial Hospital, enrollment for this class is limited to frat brothers only!
  8. Orientation 2: Electric Boogaloo
    • Have you been wandering around aimlessly all semester because your FYM didn’t tell you where the library, dining hall, or dorms are? This is the class for you. Better late than never right?
  9. How To Remain a Virgin at Hopkins
    • Just kidding, yall don’t need to take a class on this.

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