We at the Black and Blue Jay are proud to announce our endorsement for Freshman SGA President 2017! After much deliberation, we have decided to throw our considerable weight behind a recently filled to-go box from the FFC.
Are you tired of interchangeable white boys cornering you in the FFC to sign their petitions? Are you SO over photos of your mediocre-looking classmates looking off-camera in their campaign “posters”? Vote for FFC To-Go Box in this year’s elections.
Unlike a human SGA president, the To-Go Box will stay quiet while you eat your chicken tenders between classes and will never try to convince you it has the power to make any changes at this school.
To-Go Box is the face of diversity, containing a bastardization of a different cultures’ food almost every day!
We know you’re sick of being promised “stronger community” by every overachieving little bitch in the 2021 facebook group. The To-Go Box flatly rejects these unrealistic goals, allowing you to eat cold vegetarian lasagna at your desk in your dorm, away from absolutely everyone else.
Although the To-Go Box cannot promise that it will cover your grades, it WILL cover the 10 scoops of honey graham ice cream you’re trying to sneak past Mrs. Gladys’s replacement.
Finally, increased To-Go Box presence in student government will encourage better To-Go Box representation at FFC’s late night. Could a human SGA president make that monumental change? We don’t think so.
Be sure to write in “FFC To-Go Box” on September 29th!
To-Go Box: “Your president is ready to go.”