The Black and Blue Jay has received a leaked list of this year’s MSE symposium speakers. Their 50th Anniversary will be celebrated with a lineup of ten amazing speakers.
- A propped up corpse of Ronald Reagan – Campaigned for by the Hopkins Republicans… because THEY haven’t gotten anything they wanted recently.
2. An actual blue jay, like the bird – Behavioral Bio dept. tried to teach him to say Go Hop but he won’t.
3. BoJack Horseman – Yes he’s animated, but we’ll figure it out.
4. Owen Wilson – Only says “wooowww” and leaves. Talk lasts 20 seconds. Owen Wilson will be paid highest of any speaker.
5. The cast of Ted Cruz’s twitter porn video – They’ll be holding a master class on what to do with a Writing Seminars degree.
6. Kimye and Taylor Swift physically fighting onstage – It’s about time.
7. A randomly selected white man – MSE has to keep their lineup as white and male as possible.
8. Ansel Elgort – He doesn’t have anything of value to say, but that’s never mattered before!.
9. Panel comprised of
- Logan from Big Time Rush
- Victoria from Victorious
- Smoothie man (aka T-Bone) from iCarly
- Madeleine Albright
They will be discussing North Korean nuclear policy.
10. Amadeus the St. Bernard and his owner – To make up for everyone else on this list (and eric andre’s little stunt last year).
All speakers will be presenting at Ram’s Head Live. Transportation will not be provided.