2017 MSE lineup

The Black and Blue Jay has received a leaked list of this year’s MSE symposium speakers. Their 50th Anniversary will be celebrated with a lineup of ten amazing speakers.

  1. A propped up corpse of Ronald Reagan – Campaigned for by the Hopkins Republicans… because THEY haven’t gotten anything they wanted recently.


2. An actual blue jay, like the bird – Behavioral Bio dept. tried to teach him to say Go Hop but he won’t.


3. BoJack Horseman – Yes he’s animated, but we’ll figure it out.


4. Owen Wilson – Only says “wooowww” and leaves. Talk lasts 20 seconds. Owen Wilson will be paid highest of any speaker.


5. The cast of Ted Cruz’s twitter porn video – They’ll be holding a master class on what to do with a Writing Seminars degree.


6. Kimye and Taylor Swift physically fighting onstage – It’s about time.


7. A randomly selected white man – MSE has to keep their lineup as white and male as possible.


8. Ansel Elgort – He doesn’t have anything of value to say, but that’s never mattered before!.

9. Panel comprised of

  1. Logan from Big Time Rush
  2. Victoria from Victorious
  3. Smoothie man (aka T-Bone) from iCarly
  4. Madeleine Albright

They will be discussing North Korean nuclear policy.


10. Amadeus the St. Bernard and his owner – To make up for everyone else on this list (and eric andre’s little stunt last year).


All speakers will be presenting at Ram’s Head Live. Transportation will not be provided.

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