25 Alternative Facts with Sean Spicer

The BNBJ recently sat down with human rhombus and White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer. He gave us some knowledge in life, love, and insider Hopkins secrets.

1. Hopkins is the Number 1 University on US News & World Report, period.

2. Connecticut College is better than Hopkins though, period.

3. It’s not organic chemistry, it’s alternative chemistry, period.

4. The endoplasmic reticulum is the powerhouse of the cell, period.

5. The earth has a healthy population of bees, period.

6. Abstinence is totally cool, period.

8. Fetuses are humans and have rights, as long as they’re not women, period.

9. Space Jam was a bad movie, period.

10. Any negative reviews about Professors Tovar and Pasternack are fake, period. (They were probably done illegally.)

12. The administration cares about you, period.

13. The Newsletter is a reputable source, period.


Actual photograph of Sean Spicer.

14. No one wanted covered grades anyway, period.

15. Charmar has fair prices, period.

16. Kellyanne Conway’s Inauguration dress was seeeexy, period. Winky face, period.

17. When has a protest ever accomplished anything?, period.

18. Maybe it worked for the Humanities Center, period.

19. Maryland 400 is a gorgeous classroom, period.

2o. There are no skeletons in the steam tunnels, period.

22. Hopkins is competitive, not cutthroat, period.

23. Sad, period, comma, exclamation mark, period.

24. HelWell cures your ailments every time, period.

25. Lighting of the quads was #lit this year, period.


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