DJ Khaled Inspires as Last Night’s FAS Speaker

Photo courtesy of We the Best Music Group

In an effort to keep up with changing technology, the Foreign Affairs Symposium hosted DJ Khaled via Snapchat last night to discuss the keys 🔑to success in solving various policy issues from around the world. DJ Khaled posted an hour long series of snap stories that were displayed on projector to a packed Shriver Hall.

On child poverty in America, DJ Khaled stated “They don’t want you to have lunch,” which garnered a roaring 10 second applause that was snapchatted back to him. When asked about US relations with China, DJ Khaled profoundly made jet ski noises for 7 seconds. DJ Khaled also displayed strong emotions when asked about the water crisis in Flint, stating “The key 🔑 to more success is lots of water.” Unfortunately, DJ Khaled’s response on the Syrian refugee crisis was lost, as FAS accidently tapped through the snap and didn’t have any replays remaining.

DJ Khaled shined when asked about the Republican-held Senate attempting to block Obama from nominating a new Supreme Court Justice, preaching, “This is a consequence of factious constituencies, interested in electing representatives who reflect their radical ideologies instead of politicians who are committed to engaging in civil discourse with other legislators. The key 🔑 to more success here is the electorate voting for politicians that reflect their desire for greater compromise, which many political theorists argue would be an inevitability if we actually had higher voter turnout in elections. The other key 🔑 to eliminating the partisan gridlock that is suffocating collaborative progress in our national legislature, of course, is cocoa butter. Bless up 🙏”

DJ Khaled thanked the crowd at the end of his snap story by saying, “You smart. You loyal. You grateful. I appreciate that,” and “Celebrate success with apple 🍏 Ciroc.” Rumored speakers for later this semester include a 15-second Instagram video from Kylie Jenner, a series of tweets by Kanye West, and a paparazzi video of Alec Baldwin verbally abusing a service worker.

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