Having drawn immense power from the recent super special Pi day, the Missionaries of the Math Club, (otherwise known as Missionariis Math Clava aka the MMC) have begun their plan for world domination with the conversion of students to slope-intercept form.

“You there, heathen!” shouted lead Math Mage Ryan Erics at Film and Media Studies major Daniella Taran. “Stop right where you are!” Erics, also Taran’s Calculus 1 TA, then forced her into lying on the ground in a half circle shape next to fellow Art History minor Reggie Reg.

With the completion of the b in the y=mx+b equation, Erics, along with other lower level Math Mages, began to chant and dance around the holy equation to the tune of “ABC 123” by the Jackson Five, except with the “ABC” replaced with the words “add me.”

A disruption in the festivities occurred when rival Math Mage and fellow Calculus 1 TA Eric Ryans made a grab for power: “Erics! Face me! You’re wrong, you know that! Gottfried Wilhelm [von Leibniz] invented calculus! Not that swine ‘Isuckballs’ [Isaac Newton]!”

“Ryans! How dare you interrupt our holiest of holies! What would de Fermat say?!” Erics retorted.

“It doesn’t matter, he can’t finish anything, but I can.” With that Ryans revealed a protractor he had sharpened into a shiv, and stabbed Erics in the throat.

The rest of the Math Mages, infuriated at seeing their leader fall, retaliated with integral-sign shaped swords and Euler’s number shaped shurikens.

News of the schism spread quickly to the Middle East, the origin of many maths, prompting the leaders of the Shiite and Sunni sects to release a joint statement insisting that it was obvious that Mohammed was the one who truly invented calculus, along with linear algebra, non-Euclidean geometry, Isaac Newton, and Eric Ryans’ “Isuckballs” joke about Isaac Newton.