Men’s Wearhouse to Open New Location in Beta House

Beta Theta Pi of the Johns Hopkins University recently revealed its new philanthropy project sponsored by Men’s Wearhouse: Beta Wearhouse. The Black and Blue Jay was given privileged access inside the new store.

“We don’t think Hopkins fully gives the impression of over-privileged white kids yet, we’re thinking the suits will help. Four percent of all proceeds go to helping a casual dresser in need. Also, it seems to solidify the image of primal manhood that Beta wishes to prove, err, convey,” said Beta junior and Beta Wearhouse manager Robert Green.

Upon entering, customers are greeted with the Beta Wearhouse playlist, curated by Beta’s president, featuring hits by Toby Keith, Jason Aldean, and Toby Keith.

Beta Wearhouse is even offering exclusive location-only deals, including buy one suit, get two tins of Copenhagen Long Cut free, and buy two suits, get one set of Cornhole for half price.

A majority of the Beta pledge class has been seen advertising the variety of suits offered. When approached about whether or not the suit-wearing was a form of hazing, a pledge who wished to remain anonymous cried, “What’s hazing!?” before slowly backing away and diving into some bushes.

The back wall of the store is dedicated to the exclusive “Beta Theta Pi, by Mens Wearhouse” collection, which includes three-piece suits and ties inspired by Colonel Harland David Sanders.

“Actually, that section isn’t as popular as you might think,” Green said before frowning.

At press time, other fraternities seemed to be taking a page from Beta as a truck labeled Patagonia was seen parking in front of the Fiji house.

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