Reports indicate that sophomore James McKinney, after finally setting to work on his essay entitled: “The Revolution of White Nationalism,” instead accidentally spent the entirety of Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday watching all 145 episodes of the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers series.
Roommate Charlie Yost was the one who discovered the shocking but sort of understandable accident. When asked to comment, he said,
“Yeah so on Wednesday I was at late night and they had this amazing bacon, like unbelievably good compared to the normal greasy crap they have. Like, just so good. Tender, crunchy, not too salty, perfectly golden and not too much fat and just…oh yeah, sorry, Jamie. So yeah, I called Jamie to invite him down ‘cause I knew he loved bacon, but he said he was working on his essay and hung up. There was a strange noise in the background, and at first I didn’t think much of it, but then it hit me: the strange noise was the Dragon Dagger, the weapon Tommy got in ‘Breaking the Spell,’ part five of the ‘Mighty Morphin Power Rangers’ season one miniseries ‘Green with Evil.’”
Charlie continued, “The thing is wicked, you can play it like a flute to control the Green Ranger’s Dragonzord, which is, like, ridiculous if you think about it but insanely awesome in practice. I actually have a toy one back at my house. It’s made of plastic but it still gives a nasty bruise if you hit your little brother hard enough with it. Anyway so I recognized the sound and thought to myself ‘Awesome! The Rangers are just about to break Rita Repulsa’s spell on Tommy!’ But then I thought, ‘Wait, the ‘Mighty Morphin Power Rangers’ didn’t have any involvement in the spread of white nationalism during post-Reconstructionist America. What’s Jamie doing?’ So I went upstairs and there he was, watching it, just what I thought. Pinned that episode like a champ. And all he had to say for himself was ‘Shhhhhhh.’”
The Black and Blue Jay decided to follow up with Jamie to flush out the events leading up to the children’s TV show binge.
He commented, “I really thought I was going to get this paper done. I was actually pretty excited to explore the sociopolitical justifications of miscegenation laws, but then I typed into Google ‘White Power R’ to try to search for ‘White Power Revolution’ and it autocorrected the ‘R’ to ‘Ranger.’ And, well I’m a religious man, and we just don’t ignore signs from God like that.”
Reports indicate that Jamie was currently finishing up ‘Mighty Morphin Alien Rangers’ and planned to continue on to ‘Power Rangers Zeo,’ but would stop with ‘Power Rangers Dino Thunder’ because, “After Power Rangers S.P.D. and their talking dog commander Anubis Cruger, it just gets childish.”