High school senior Max O’Neill woke up in a panic last night upon realizing that he referred to Johns Hopkins University as ‘John Hopkins University’ in his application essay. The Black and Blue Jay recently spoke with O’Neill about this act of blasphemy.
“I called it ‘John Hopkins.’ I forgot the S – the cardinal sin of disrespect toward Johns Hopkins. There’s no way I’m going to get in now. I’ve been repenting for this mistake at my shrine to Michael Bloomberg; I can only hope he will forgive me,” O’Neill said. “They say to embrace the S. But I forgot. I didn’t treat it right. I took it for granted. And now it’s out there, in someone else’s application essay – someone who remembered. Someone who deserves it.”
He continued, “I bet Daniel Coit Gilman is rolling over in his grave right now. I’ve disgraced Homewood campus, the Johns Hopkins Hospital – this is so bad that I’ve even managed to disgrace the city of Baltimore. As if it could get any worse.”
O’Neill expressed some hope for the future.
“Maybe it’ll be ok. Still haven’t heard back from Northwetern, Tuft, or Tanford yet anyway,” said O’Neill. He paused, and his eyes widened.