Sororities and Frats Trade Pledge Tasks, 4000 Lawsuits Filed

In something straight out of a movie, it appears that this years Sorority and Fraternity pledges have mysteriously traded tasks, resulting in a string of litigation from parents and students alike. The event, termed Greeky Friday, resulted in a total and inexplicable switch between these Greek ongoings that are often swept under the rug.

Sisters have been seen serenading pledges in their finest evening-wear before sauntering off after shouting ‘Your Big loves you!’ These women are often accompanied with well-researched presents from the yet-unnamed bigs, such as a set of travel kettlebells for a WaWa member who had complained recently on Twitter about the travails of working out from home and while traveling.

This strange switcheroo extended to the internet, where a series of Big/Little Facebook pages started to pop up exclusively for the pledging members of Hopkins fraternities. These ranged from the mundane to the slightly saucy, such as “MyBoyRick’s GotAKillerDick,” and personal favorite “BadassJonWoon IsASlayerOfPoon.” A massive spike in all-male slumber parties was seen as well, particularly at Sig Ep.

While a percentage of lawsuits came from the male events, the litigious came out in force once the new Sorority sister pledge tasks came to light. Sisters in various sororities were forced to stay up for 96 hours at a time, drink until the puked, and carry around a ficus for a week, never letting it out of their site. The coup de grace came when it was revealed that an unnamed group of sisters were bound, gagged, blindfolded, and boated two miles off the coast where they were dropped into frigid waters and forced to swim back. Seniors in the sorority defended the actions as “totally cool when the frats were doing it” and “a hallowed tradition that helps sisters bond.”

Though the details of the lawsuits have been kept under wraps, expect a number somewhere in the low billions of dollars to be paid out in a settlement. Or, as Hopkins calls it, a “Bloomberg Whoopsie.”

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