Returning Engineer Excited To Have Excuse Not To Socialize Again

After weeks of torturous confrontations with his family, friends, and dog, junior engineer Frank Adams is excited to be back on campus for his second semester.

“It’s always difficult to go through winter break,” Adams explains. “Between having no responsibilities and living in a house full of human beings, life is hell. I’m very thankful to be back on campus, and I’ve already booked room 3010 in Brody for the semester, so y’all better back off!!”

Adams has been accustomed to the overwhelming workload that has given Hopkins its name, constantly spending time reading ahead in his textbooks – often in multiple languages – to keep up with his ethnically diverse TAs and their horrendous accents. This semester he hopes to break his record of 47 days in solitude, living off of only ramen and eventually ramen containers.

“I’ve overloaded this semester to keep myself even busier than before!” Adams exclaims.

With three honors math classes, two labs, and 17 sections of intermediate programming, Adams is taking over 100 credits this semester, but does not feel intimidated in the slightest.

“Sure it’s a lot of work, but everyone else is doing the same, right? Gotta stay ahead of the curve.”

Adams has not actually asked anyone yet about their course load.

“Did I make that up? Nah, I couldn’t have, I said it!” he adds.

“See most students participate in extracurriculars and it ends up really hurting their GPA, as they usual score in the 3.5 range. By cutting out my non-existent social life entirely, I’m managing a 3.51 – proof that my way of life is superior,” Adams argues.

Goals for this semester include: creating a made-up language so that he can’t communicate with anyone, learning how to make cereal, and disowning his brother Todd.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s