Overcrowding Forces Freshmen to Share Triple with Hubble Telescope

Due to the unprecedented size of the class of 2018, freshman Danny Porter and Mark Anderson have been forced to share a triple with the Hubble Space Telescope.

Anderson described the telescope as, “kinda the strong silent type, but chill.”  He continued, “Sometimes Danny and I argue, but Hubs is always pretty relaxed about stuff.  Hubs sometimes eats my food, and he’s annoying when he’s drunk, but other than that he’s okay.”

Porter said, “I’m definitely the more type-A personality, so I get stuck with most of the cleaning, but he never really makes messes.  He just takes up huge amounts of space.”

Both roommates said that while they liked “Hubs,” neither felt they knew him very well.

“The only times I really see him are when we’re just hanging out in the room.  I think he’s friends with a bunch of grad students or something.  We both stayed for intersession and I still didn’t spend much time with him.  I mean, I’m not even sure what his major is.  I think it’s either Physics and Astronomy or Writing Sems.”

Reports indicate that the telescope does the bulk of his work at night and sleeps most of the day.

“He doesn’t have any 9 AM classes, or classes of any kind actually, so that schedule works pretty well for him I think,” said Anderson.

When asked what the biggest drawback to rooming with Hubs was, both roommates replied, “The constant sexiling.”

Sources have confirmed that Hubs has developed a reputation as “a more metallic, 12-ton Leonardo DiCaprio,” citing regular instances of Hubs leaving parties with “total babes” under each solar panel.

It is also rumored that Hubs has recently entered a long-term relationship with the Mars Rover, whom he described as “01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01101100 01101111 01110110 01100101 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01101100 01101001 01100110 01100101,” and, “crazy hot.”  ​

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