Gift Card Club Plans Most Predictable Secret Santa Ever

As the holidays approach, many student groups are scrambling to find appropriate ways to celebrate the season. But in the midst of this confusion, the Hopkins Gift Card Club is currently planning what may be the most predictable Secret Santa ever. Said social chair Zacharias Angleturk,

“We’re a group of many faiths, but once December rolls around, the one unanimous truth is that everybody loves a good gift card.”

   The GCC settled upon the choice of a Secret Santa to add what they unironically called ‘that missing element of surprise’ from most other holiday celebrations.
   “You may call it predictable, but we call it exciting. You never know what’s going to be inside that small, flat, rectangular box. Plus those expiration dates add an element of danger, ya know?”
   This isn’t the group’s first foray into organized gift-giving, either. In previous years the group has experimented with Kwanzaa Kards, Festivus Freebies, and even a Hanukkah-themed gift card exchange that went a bit off the rails.
   “It was a good idea at first,” noted Angleturk, “but no one bought enough cards for more than one day, so people just kept trading and trading and trading. By the third day everyone had what they wanted. Plus it raised a lot of uncouth semitic questions so we just nipped that in the bud.”
   Of course, not all gift cards are created equal, and the GCC has a rigid hierarchy that its members must follow in the gift exchange.
  “Obviously Chipotle is the holy grail around here. We try to limit that for our most active members. Then there’s a whole list of other establishments as we go down in quality, but we have a special gift card for members who didn’t make it to enough meetings. Sandelas. We call it ‘coal.’”

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