Sophomore’s Snapchat Story Chronicles Descent into Madness

[The following evidence was collected scrupulously by reporters from Subject MARK’s bedroom, phone, and belongings. Authorization given directly by His Majesty The Daniels.]

Snap 1 – Beginning of sophomore year. Subject MARK stands before McCoy posing with tongue out between two fingers like any other naïve student. He is unaware he will soon spend more time in library than dorm.

Snap 12 – Subject MARK takes time from studying to explore campus towers and steam tunnels, poses next to graffiti

Snap 103 – Subject MARK snaps row of coffee cups, notes this is his “hell week.” It is the third week he has uniquely stated this.

Snap 249 – It is 4AM. Subject MARK snaps a photo of an aquarium bowl. He believes it is the bottom of the inner harbor. The snap is well received because his sincerity is not.

Snap 377 – Subject MARK snaps photo of Big Ben clocktower, says “fuck the study abroad office, I do what I want.”

Snap 392 – Subject MARK snaps photo of “new” bedroom with cryptic messages “Grade Deflation” and “Blue Jays Are Blue” written on wall behind his calculus teacher’s desk.

Snap 401 – Subject MARK snaps middle finger with caption “for all my haters.” Some of his followers wish he would snap less.

Snap 522 – Subject MARK snaps photo of himself weaving a basket at the bottom of Rec Center swimming pool. Captions “Hopkins Amirite?”

Snap 702 – Subject MARK snaps photo of counselor with tag “liar.” He has just been told it is only 3 weeks into the semester so he cannot “be overwhelmed by finals.”

Snap 1432 – Subject MARK snaps photo of Sydney Opera House. In the foreground is a rat next to a cardboard box with caption “Australian Roommate.”

Snap 2001 – Subject MARK snaps photo of Earth from International Space Station with caption “Gap year”

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